What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 03:50
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im still living with it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I waited trembling.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What pleasure do guys get by sucking female breasts?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She married twice! .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Exploding battery fears spark recall of 1.1 million portable chargers - San Francisco Chronicle
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He knew the spot.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But, we were locked up after school.
What do you typically do while on meth?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Who then, do I blame.?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Can we state Alia Bhatt as the most versatile actress in Bollywood now?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Comes on , in middle age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
So, i spoilt her more .
This is soul school!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But it wasn’t much.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Would this be the day?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So whats the point in blame.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She wouldn,t have been !
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I write beautiful poetry .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I said to her
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I think the readers, may guess!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was very sick at this time too.
When she asked me how she looked .
Ive learnt so much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My family never makes their pension either.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was seconnd youngest,
What did i know ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I don,t even have a pension.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She loved him until the end.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And i lived it daily.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My life is so biszare .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She found it foreign!.
We all went to grammer schools
I never cut or harmed myself..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was 9 years of age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We were not on the streets..
I will be 64.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was scared of men, in general
I have no regrets .
I couldn’t, believe it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
All the time i was locked up.
One cannot live in the past .
She was in good health!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Especially a lifetime of it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As i do to all so called friends.?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!